it's funny...i've never been particularly great with introductions.
....or goodbyes, for that matter.
i find them both to be awkward. i always have.
i've also realized that i find reconciliation, even in the slightest amount, to be equally as uncomfortable. say for instance that a friend has been trying to call me when i've been working and i've legitimately been busy and unable to answer their call. for most people, a simple "hey bro, sorry for the missed connections. just been busy."
easy enough, right?
wrong...it's awkward.
but that's just me; i'm a *pause for cheesy tagline* square peg in a round hole.
....
i've considered writing a blog for sometime. i mean, i've been writing since i was a kid. some of my first works included rewriting songs that were popular on the radio. i never really thought twice about it. i just wrote....stuff...
however
blogging seemed like the thing to do. it's cool to blog. it makes you interesting or dark or artsy or the type of person who wears a beret or blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. i shouldn't feel that way because it is just as much my right as anyone else but now it's gonna feel like that moment when you say...
dude, i love this band - then, you're annoying friend is all like
NO WAY DUDE IVE LOVED THIS BAND FOREVER AND YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO BE COOL NOW THAT THEY'RE COOL and then you say
no seriously, i've liked them for a long time...
and then it's awkward...
square peg, round hole...
even announcing that i'm blogging is awkward.
i guess the rest of this can kinda serve as an overview to see if future posts may interest you. i wanna explain where this whole square peg, round hole title came about.
as early as age 6, i knew i was different. most of my classmates were concerned about whether or not juice would be served with lunch. i was too busy wondering if desert storm would erupt into a conflict that may result in warfare on US soil.
square peg, round hole
at age 7, they began to pull me out of my regular classes for something called "TAG" where i was surrounded for supposed like-minded individuals of my age group. i found communicating with them easier then my previous peers, but still quite unable to fully express myself.
square peg, round hole
in 5th grade, my group of friends were having lunch at the start of the year and i was socially ostracized for choosing airwalks instead of nike tennis shoes.
square peg, round hole
in 6th grade, i had the first conversation i can remember having about race with a friend who is black. it was the first time i realized that some people judged based on color.
square peg, round hole
i find punk rock. i find skateboarding.
square peg, round hole
i discover that there exists more folks that think along my wavelength, but my never ending struggle for a realism over idealism prevents me from truly agreeing with most of my cohorts.
square peg, round hole
while existing in a realm of independence, i join a fraternity while my hair is dyed different colors.
square peg, round hole
....
i'm the oddball. or at least, that's way i've always felt. i've never quite felt comfortable in my own skin. i believe this is why i choose to play different parts during my everyday life. upon waking up in the morning, i take on the role of
gym guy, complete with
cutoff shirt and prehistoric grunting.
i will oftentimes ride enjoy a motorcycle ride to work which is nice because i have a brief but obvious transition from
harley man
to
upwardly bound business type; the transition from leather to suit and tie is oh so fun.
i usually end my days with a barrage of different musical influences and my many masks simmer in a cauldron of all things john, a complicated potion.
i never really settle into any one of them. i'm like a chameleon. these costume changes never really affect how i feel about politics or anything of that nature, but let's face it, these outward images change the perception of those around us, and perception is reality.
i'm uncomfortable with reality.
square peg, round hole.
i don't really have a whole lot to say right now. if you're interested, read further, probably more entertaining posts. however, it may be cliche, but i would like to part ways with an excerpt from a somewhat notorious literary work, as it is my pseudo-disclaimer...
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream
